I’m going to make an assumption that most of the people reading this are doing so because they feel stuck. Or maybe they have done at some point in their lives. Most of us have, I think it’s a natural feeling.
Life changes constantly around us and we change within ourselves either according to new input or in order to survive what’s going on. This is completely natural and part of life so why do we find it so difficult sometimes?
Constant change has never been more clear than the last couple of years. Most of us have learned details of a brand new disease that didn’t exist in our lives before 2019. We have way more medical knowledge than we did – about the spread of diseases, what slows the spread, vaccinations, how our bodies deal with all of these things.
Along with the medical side, we’ve had to learn new ways of being out in the world and how that affects us physically and mentally. The challenges of trying to live in a lockdown – how to purchase food, connect with other people, do our jobs and keep ourselves sane when we’re trying to do all of these things and home school the children.
We’ve had to deal with ever-changing rules and regulations, taking tests, checking rules for travelling abroad when we once took it for granted we could flit in and out of countries on a whim.
It’s no wonder there are so many people now evaluating their lives and making some big changes. Given the time to look around and see what’s not working for you and make the decision to either retire early, start a new business, work part time or change this part of your life in some way has become a huge drive.
For others though, they feel stuck. They might see the benefits of working less hours, starting their own business or wanting to retire earlier than they’d planned but the downsides pour in all too quickly. From financial issues to the idea of what other people will think of them, it will all come into play when your brain starts feeling scared of new things.
But the pull of this exciting (or more relaxing) way of living is still there and they get stuck in a tug of war inside your head that can become quite intense. When I realised that I couldn’t keep working in a career that no longer held much interest for me, it was horrible. I had a terrible few years where I started drinking too much because I thought I couldn’t change or everything would go wrong if I did and that was intolerable.
I was absolutely miserable and looking back on it, if I’d been kinder to myself and made some decisions more quickly it would have been much easier. But I didn’t and that’s why I’m here to help you find your way in a less destructive way than I did.
The one thing I need to tell you is that once you realise something needs to change, it doesn’t go away. You can’t close the door, put the worms back in the can and you can’t just ignore it. You can try, but it will end up being detrimental to your mental health. And before you go away thinking I’m just talking about work/career, I’m not. This applies across the board to all areas of your life.
So how do you deal with this feeling of being stuck between two (or more) things? Well the first thing is to accept is that if you keep coming back to the idea of change, it isn’t going away.
The second thing to realise is that your options aren’t the extremes that your brain tells you are there. Your choices aren’t limited to “carry on working in this job I hate and hope it gets better” vs “leave my job and start all over again from the beginning, losing my great pay and probably my house and family in the process”.
There is a world of nuance between these extremes and there are ways of making things happen that feel more comfortable but still move you forward. This leads to my third way of dealing with this – talk to someone. Anyone will do, just get it out of your head.
While your brain is busy telling you all the things you already know and convincing you that’s the only option, when you start telling people about how you’re feeling, it adds more flesh to the stark, bony, skeletal outline of your idea.
When you explain the whole situation as it is now to someone else, you fill in gaps that your brain has ignored. When you share your vision or idea of the future, you give it colour and vitality that your brain doesn’t put in there.
I invite you now to think about how you’re feeling stuck, identify where you are now, where you’d love to be and tell someone about it. Be excited and give them details about how you would feel if you made the change you really want to. I’d also love to hear what’s going on for you so comment or email me your wonderful ideas to change your current situation.
PS For those who read not because they feel stuck but because they enjoy my blogs, thank you! For all of you, please tell a friend or share my posts. I want to make sure as many people as possible can understand that they aren’t alone and have options 💖