When I’m coaching people, I’m not just interested in the issue and making a plan to get from A to B as quickly as possible. I mean, yeah, that’s a great help for people but generally it’s not the solution.
You can easily go and Google planning techniques, SMART goals or the best way to achieve your goals. You don’t need my help with that side of things. In fact, you probably already have a few ideas of what your path should look like which is probably something like this:
Makes sense, in an ideal world we just keep progressing and eventually get to where we want to be. If we make the increments achievable enough, it’ll all be fine. Except we all know, that’s not how things work.
It usually looks more like this for me:
I start off quite well, fall down a little bit, remind myself why I’m doing it then it just tails off until I’m not even doing it anymore. Mainly because I’ve had a great new idea halfway through that I’d rather do instead 😂. Possibly due to my ADHD brain getting bored, but let’s face it, no-one keeps their attention on something like this consistently.
And that’s why coaching is about looking at everything that’s going on for you. Not just when you’re doing well, in fact the times you’re not doing well are where the good stuff is. I mean, what exactly is going on at the 6 month mark?
Do you get bored? How do you make it fun again?
Has something else stolen your attention? What is it and why is that more interesting?
Is it not what you expected? Do you want to change the end goal?
Have you just realised you don’t really want that? So what was it that was driving you there in the first place? What else would be a more appropriate achievement now you know that?
These are often repeating patterns in our lives and how we behave in one area is often how we behave in others. I’ve spoken recently about being more accountable with money, but I realised that spans across other parts of my life too. It involved being vulnerable, which I do to a certain point then I shut up shop. There’s a very solid wall that I’m trying to take down but it means changing ideas that are deeply ingrained in me.
This is why we talk about coaching the person, not the problem. Sure, it helps to have a knowledge of what’s going on for the client but really, we’re looking at how you work as a person and everyone is slightly different.
We’ve all had different experiences that change the way we look at life, ourselves and whatever the problem in front of us might be. All these mini-differences change our perspectives, and keep changing the way we look at something.
I’ve been told I was brave when I first lived on my own. I never really understood why because I didn’t see what the alternative was. I suppose I could have stayed living at my parents until I met someone who I wanted to live with, but I didn’t want to. I wanted my own space. Other people can’t imagine living on their own because they’ve never done it, or they fear they can’t do things on their own.
Coaching isn’t really about achieving a linear goal, it’s about getting to know yourself and challenging your own preconceptions about who you are, what you’re capable of and what’s possible in your life. If you only did the things you found easy or knew you could do, your life would get boring very quickly and your feeling of power would diminish without overcoming difficulties (however big or small).
Sometimes you just need someone to remind you that you’re truly amazing and have the world at your feet 💖